Pledge your undying dedication to Space Force, the finest branch of the military to ever exist in this or any millennium.
As a cadet of the FIRST Space Force Armada you will be joining me on an intergalactic mission to keep space safe from Space Pirates, Martians and most important of all, Russians.
I pledge to:
- Tell the Pentagon to keep the money coming. A few trillion dollars won’t be enough to afford the nukes we need. I mean, c’mon, it’s not just nukes, it’s nukes in SPACE.
- Ensure that Boss (the one, the only, THE DONALD) retains sole authority to launch nukes whenever/wherever he wants. I mean, how fun would this job be if we couldn’t just launch nukes willy-nilly? Lame, that’s what it would be.
- Keep space safe from space pirates, Martians and most important of all, Russians. And the worst space martian of them all, Vladimir Putin. (But don’t actually criticize him, he’s our BFF).
- Not listen to those anti-nuke protesters or experts. What do they know? Nukes ARE AWESOME. And you know what’s even cooler than those awesome ICBMs? ICBMs in SPACE.
- Never question our President. AKA the all-mighty and powerful John Bolton.
Together, we will drain the Universe.